The snow was powdered fresh this morning when I crunched off for milk. I thanked God for mornings. There's a chance I won't mire today in the same mistakes.
Kind people keep asking me if I'm struggling with culture shock. I'm not. I'm struggling with culture. Like a rerun, I lay in bed last night clicking through photos of more than one girl, arriving at the usual resolution I don't want any of them but unable to want anything else either. You know the reason I didn't whine on about this from Uganda? Because it wasn't an issue. I fancied African women alright, but I never obsessed about them. I thank God for that - what a relief - but I curse the aggregate of media, fashion and arts that does this to us. Ben Okri says cultures are shaped by the stories they tell themselves. Can you think of a single happy ending that doesn't hang on a couple getting together?
And how did I manage to lose 2 hours getting a photo on this blog page, when Blogger's simple setter-upper promises you can do it in 5 minutes? I was talking to Ed about a little firework of a book called 'the Screwtape Letters' and trying to explain how it was still spot on even though it was written 70 years ago about specific situations in daily life... and I realised all the main things in life are exactly the same- it's just now we spend hardly any time thinking about or doing them because we're so occupied with our 'labour-saving devices'. I read somewhere (I think in Michael Crichton's time travel book, 'Timeline') that the amount of time the average household spends on housework hasn't changed since 1900 - when they did their laundry with a washboard and a mangle. We've just invented more things to fix, bought more things to clean. Scary. If life is made up of time, and we're wasting it; we're killing ourselves.
After battling riots, robbery and white water rafting, it feels a bit ridiculous taking up the pen against my laptop and facebook; but if I'm right, these things can be just as deadly. I believe comfort kills just as surely as poverty, so fighting it will make just as great a story. And a story we need to hear.
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happy ending that wasn't a couple, err...jesus?
ReplyDelete[holy points]
i think more than media or culture, it's the people around us who can push us into thinking our lives aren't right. for example, if all your friends are married, but you're not, at some level of conciousness, you're gonna be wondering if you've missed the boat or something's wrong with you. it's similar with faith. if you're struggling with believing, nothing smarts more than going into church and meeting hundreds of people who seem so on fire and so sure. what it comes down to is, can i just be happy in my own skin, being me? and can i fend off all the assaults of other people's lives who are different to mine, and trust that despite being different, i'm still good?
another example. how many times have you been on a friend's facebook, blogspot, twitter page and just thought their life looks so interesting, so much more interesting than mine? i do it pretty much every time i visit these sites, which is why i don't go there very often. but sometimes, i find there's something about seeing all those photos and comments celebrating ordinary life that seems disconnected from actual reality. kinda like we're talking about and photographing these events to make them cool, not because they actually are that fun, or at least it's only in the activity of showing it to the world that it becomes cool.
and i think the real deal behind this is that what we're really trying to do is make sure that people compare us favourably. we want to be seen to be cool, relevant, down with the kids, faith-filled, talented, funny. we know that sooner or later, we're going to be judged by our friends so we best make sure that, externally, everything's in order.
so in a way our friends make up the culture that immediately surrounds us, so you are still completely right to blame culture for making you feel bad about stuff that you don't have.
so, i agree that comfort can kill, but i don't think it's simply about the domestic things of life. it's just as much about shying away from letting your guard down, about chasing after other people's lives and what they have because their's just seems better, etc.
and also whilst i see what you're saying about time, if life is made up of time, and we're killed by the wasting of it, what does that say about the point of life? doesn't that in a way imply that our lives will be measured by the fruits of the time we have and leave out the work of God's grace? i'm not advocating laziness, but i only have a single clock in my house for good reason - i won't be ruled by time, productivity and the hard-work ethic. god's call is to be faithful, not successful. and he does the work in any case.
so, it's a balance. [which is always the answer].
chris
You're right. I have had a real problem with sweating to present myself well to others, and wishing I was more like them and less like me. There's a story there too - I think Jesus has substantially saved me from that. Still, I hope I can write to grow into myself, not justify myself. Because trying to be someone else is kind of killing yourself, too.
ReplyDeleteBy happy endings, I meant in our culture, e.g. any film you can think of.
As for time, maybe what I want to say (drawing on your point and mine) is, 'I want to add life to my days, if not days to my life.' [That's a quote too - no idea where from...]