Love languages

I've known the concept of 'the 5 love languages' for ages. I just never bothered to find out what they were; I thought that was something only couples needed to worry about. However, I just went and took the assessment on their website, and had a change of thinking.

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Typically, I wasn't able to just think about the answers to the questions I was supposed to be thinking about. I took the test for 'singles', and so the questions were all about the sorts of normal interaction with friends/family/people you fancy. I was deciding whether getting gifts from people or words of affirmation makes me feel most loved. I pictured in my head, first, sitting in the living room with the extended family, ripping through THE BOX (a cardboard one, full of things Grandma picks up randomly over the year... and some socks/deoderant for the men). Then I pictured myself a week before going home from Uni, opening a text from Dad which closed with the words, 'we're really proud of you.' Devastating. You know, I still remember it.

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And then I thought, 'oh my goodness, have I just gone 24 years without knowing what makes my parents and sisters feel my love for them?' That's pretty shocking. It's so important to feel loved; it is so good for you; it makes you flourish and grow and live and love others.

At the end of the test, when describing my primary love language ('words of affirmation' - don't all leave encouraging comments now, that will give the game away), the website made an interesting further comment: "Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten." That's actually a bit of my story. And it only emphasises the importance of not just doing things to demonstrate your love for people, but doing the right things, that ring their bell.

Because if you're like me, a lot of what you communicate to the people you love is kind of the opposite. So if you're communicating negatively in the person's love language, then you could probably be doing everything concievable to demonstrate love for them in other ways, and it will make no difference; they'll still just feel crushed. Because we tend to give out in the language that works best for us- and surprisingly I've learnt, other people are different.

So I guess what I'm saying is, 'go take the test'. And then tell your family, good mates, significant other, to do the same; and find out what their love language is. Hey, it won't solve all your problems, but from a certain point of view, it could actually save you making so much effort - just a couple of the right words and your job is done. Sorry if your husband's love language is 'acts of service'.