Days 59-71: Going crazy‏

21.11.09: DAY SEVENTY ONE. Chewing sugar cane.
I’m remembering the night Eric came over. The night we hunted the rat, hopelessly flapping sandals round the house until Emmanuel and Jane double teamed it with a walking stick and one of those woven baskets which may be used for sorting grain. Proper warrior stances and everything in their dress and shorts.

Talking to Eric in the taxi raised a question that I’ve lived with for a long time. Should I be a nutter? I’m frequently conscious of how my life falls short of Jesus, and even other Christians. If I really believe ‘with God, all things are possible’, why don’t I take advantage of it, and solidly do impossible things? Sell all I have and give it to the poor… tell everyone I meet about Jesus… go and pray for disabled beggars and see Jesus heal them… What really makes my head explode is when I hear people talk about regularly missing sleep so they can do more things to follow God. Eric has a high powered city job (with frequent foreign travel), a one year old son, 8 dependants, and leads the Worship, Evangelism and Youth work at church. And last Saturday, I discovered he’s also doing a Masters degree. HOW?!

Every night he goes to bed at, say, 10. Sleeps 3 hours. Gets up. Prays. Studies for university. Goes back to bed at 3am, sleeps until 6. Gets up, goes to work. Every day. That’s so he can have every evening free to work at the church. What?! I’ve had loads of advice over the years about keeping a balanced lifestyle, not doing to much, taking too much on, keeping my days off, doing some exercise, treating myself every once in a while… But Eric has some SERIOUS callings from God. We’re talking international revival. We’re talking multiple war torn Muslim countries transformed by Jesus. I don’t think I’m ever going to quite get there. But Emma suggested to me this week that the more we hunger for God, the more we’ll get him. The more we give our lives to him, the more we’ll find life in him. I think he’s right. So what does that mean for me?

15.11.09: DAY SIXTY FIVE. Eric’s, 10.05pm
I don’t know what’s going on. At the service this morning I felt provoked to give all my cash to the offering and trust God would provide some to get me home. After a struggle I went for it, shook out my wallet and trusted God.

16.11.09: DAY SIXTY SIX. 7.55am, Eric’s porch. (Supper was served, and there was a good film on TV…)
Back to the story. My other thought was that if God didn’t provide the money, I could stay overnight and go back tomorrow with Brian. Now I see that also includes a provision- the offer to stay. So without either I’d be screwed.

It all started from reading a book (you can’t be too careful…); the biography of a guy called Hudson Taylor. When he was younger than me, and without any dramatic or incontestable direction from God, he began putting himself in situations where God would have to provide for his needs or else he’d not be able to pay his rent, or starve. He didn’t tell anyone he was in need, just relied on God to get him the money when he needed it. He did it to test himself, to make himself ready for the big things God had called him to do. I’ve been feeling confident enough in Jesus to try this, too. I know I need to put myself to the test before some bigger steps of relying on God I can see in the future. Plus, I do long to push the envelope in following Jesus.

So the day went on: the service finished, people chatted around; I was invited over here for lunch as usual; we had our rehearsal. All went well, but with me frequently remembering (strange feeling) that my wallet is empty and that bar a miracle, I can’t get home. I keep reminding myself of God’s goodness, love for me, the ease with which he can provide 60p (my taxi fare home). I keep guessing how it’s going to come – probably right at the end of my day, after drama, when I’d normally be catching a taxi. Drama ends and I walk home with Ezekiel, here. Sit and chat. Take tea. Enjoy giving away a banana (did you see that, Father?) Nice time… and every minute or so I’m scrambling under my breath ‘help me Jesus’. It’s getting later and later. Nearly 8, with 1½ hr trip home. Send an ‘I’ll be late’ text to Brian. Still nothing happens.

And I give up. I tell God, ‘if you don’t get me the money by 8, I’m asking someone for it and going home. I can’t go any later.’ I’ve realised I’m sort of imposing myself on Eric and I’ve no invitation to stay. 8 passes, and I’ve decided Ezekiel’s the guy who will have 2000 shillings and who I feel okay asking to borrow from. He’s in the shower. 8.20, he’s out. I go ask. He’s very cool about it. I make to leave, and Eric invites me to stay over. Just as I give up and beg the money myself.

Now I don’t know what to do. Should I stay or should I go? Is this the answer to prayer, God’s intention, his better plan for me than getting the money? By now though, I’m thinking I want to get home for food, work, toothbrush, anti-malarials… So I decline, go out and try to catch a taxi, still in two minds. After 5-10 minutes of no taxis- which shows it was late and made travelling seem even less wise, Joel comes home and says ‘why don’t you stay over. It won’t be safe to travel.’ Okay lord.

It was actually a good night, and a good-

12.35pm. La Bonita theatre, town. (I got called for some good African tea and ended up watching 2 hours of Arsenal’s unbeaten 2003/4 season! Brilliant. Then just as I go, Emma says, ‘why don’t we got to the Miracle Centre lunch hour?...’)
-morning too – as you see. It’s been nothing dramatic, to say it’s DEFINITELY GOD’S WILL, but it has all come together quite nicely.

8.30pm. Back to mine.
The conclusion: live by faith, follow God, and say goodbye to your nicely ordered life. On one hand, being open to God’s alternative plans for your day, your life, is the gateway to ‘life in all its fullness’, ‘life that is truly life’. But it also includes that slept-over-after-a-party feeling, with a heavy cold, and hunger like you get when all that separates you from yesterday’s dinner is a small white roll. Plus a lot of ‘what the hell is going on?’

I’m still not sure what God’s saying though. Was giving all my money the right decision? Or should I hold back and provide for myself? I don’t feel the second option is right, but I also feel impressed that, while I should move boldly forward without waiting to have all the cash I need, I should also diligently seek provision as I do such things. I’m also reminded of the axiom ‘the need does not constitute the call’. Just because something radical could be done, doesn’t necessarily mean I should do it, at the moment. The Spirit will lead me step by step, at the pace I can take. So I’m going to be a nutter. But not an insomniac. Not yet.


A couple of crazy things I’m doing tomorrow that could use your prayers:
- running the Kampala Marathon 10k without registering, no training, walking trainers and a bacterial chest cold.
- preaching to the Makerere Main CU – and trying to bring a challenge!

Also, 4 productions coming to perform in the next two weeks.
And; today I got some great news which makes my decision about what I will do in January even harder. I need to hear God!

Shalom (think it sounds cool? check out everything it means!),
Tim