Days 72-82: Snapshots from the race of life‏

22.11.09: DAY SEVENTY TWO.
God’s answer to yesterday’s email, this morning, in church: “Want to be radical? The answer is in me. The answer is me. The answer is to love me, to keep me no.1; in everything to consider my opinion, to decide to do what might most please me. Stop worrying about how your life looks to you; just engage with me.”

27.11.09: DAY SEVENTY SEVEN. 11am
The boys are playing football on the lawn in front of me. School’s out. And I’m off after a ‘serious’ (Ugandan English) week. Racing the dawn to rehearse the groups at the school, for performances at their final assemblies yesterday. Now I remember why I do this drama stuff. Goodbyes are great for finding out what people were actually thinking.

It’s life, so it hasn’t all been easy or delightful, but here’s a sprinkling of lovely moments:
-watching the four lads faces crack as we did the penguin song together (probably the most embarrassing action song ever created)
-Jacob introducing me at the Makerere CU, getting the whole chapel (including me) leaping around screaming ‘hallelujah’, and then leaving me to preach!
-chatting to Gloria in the slum as she draws nearer to Jesus. (You know you’re made for something when it energises you. 2 hours of serious questions and I bounced home!)
-a good long phonecall from home after a very trying rehearsal
-two full-sky rainbows
-listening to the God Story, scrubbing my undies in the twilight
…and of course the biggest adventure of the lot, trying to run the MTN Kampala Marathon (10k). Firstly, I now have so much respect for all you guys who keep asking me to sponsor you to run half marathons. That’s twice what I did last Saturday. That’s insane. Sure, I didn’t do proper training, the altitude has an effect, and Kampala is famously built on 7 HILLS… but basically, I didn’t make it.

Why would you put the biggest hill right at the end? I stopped and sat down was because I felt my head swimming; the old sign that I was passing out with dehydration. I begged water from some other runner and downed 3 sachets of ‘blackcurrant flavour’ sugar salt stuff, walked to the top of the hill and then hobble-jogged the last ‘k’ or so.

What made it actually a great experience was going with Isaac, Emma and Jude. Scrabbling together something to wear with 30 minutes ‘til the starting gun; stretching in the back of the pick up on the way down; trading stories at the end (Emma made the first 100, Jude stayed with him for the first 2k, then went ‘oh’, and mostly walked the rest).

And above all, I will remember Isaac running slowly with me, telling me stories, taking pictures, giving encouraging tips. He showed what he could have done by asking to sprint the last straight - ‘Of course’ – he practically boinged through the crowd. He came in the top 40 last year without training. And if he hadn’t run with me, I don’t know how I could have done it. It certainly would have been no fun at all. Thank you Isaac, and thank you Jesus! You know what I need.

9.17pm
Another great time with the Button family. Ended up watching Peter & Paul, an adaptation of the Bible book called Acts, starring Anthony Hopkins (amazing) as Paul. Fascinating. I’m getting well into this stuff. Really turns me on. Bible adaptation. Yeah. It’s point 2 on my ‘life goals’ after all. Also love Paul. What a legend. Bit of a hero. Another clue about who I am and want to be. The commission from Matthew 10 is my commission. To preach, minister, and plant. Just got to find the forum – my equivalent to the synagogue, the areopagus and the street. Then go change the world.

30.11.09: DAY EIGHTY.
Looking back, it’s hard to see what I’ve achieved out here. Okay, the evangelism adventures [2.12.09 – another guy gave himself to Jesus this lunchtime!] and clarification of my life direction are invaluable, but the drama work, while stretching, leaves me feeling a bit hollow. I can’t see what I’ve really achieved – we’ve produced some sloppy, uninspiring drama, and worked some kids hard. I’m not confident it will be continued – I’ve not managed to train group leaders. I’ve been enduring and serving faithfully, dutifully, rather than passionately leading people into growth and vision. I’ve been moulded by circumstances rather than on top of them – in reality and in my psychology. And the truth is, because most of the people in the word live by reacting to circumstances, the world makes room for proactive people.

I’ve also, I discover, missed the chance to get mentored by Pastor Milton. It sounds vaguely familiar an idea but he certainly hasn’t done it. I’ve mulled over stuff in these writings but not talked to anyone about them, so got no light/perspective/challenge. I think I’m hosting a spirit of independence, ‘I can do this myself’, that is stopping me humbly asking these mature people around me for help, wisdom, advice; to talk things through. Why? Not wanting to be a burden (that lie – God save me); and also no sense of ‘Help!’ I’ve just been doing my bit and then switching off. Heart not it. Mostly. That really sucks. Maybe this is an underlying root of negativity in my life, wider than just this trip. Help me Jesus. Save me from myself.

27.11.09: DAY SEVENTY SEVEN. 11am
Saturday made me realize why the New Testament often uses the image of running a race as a metaphor for life. It’s spot on. I remembered the Bible passage from my parents’ wedding: ‘Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him – a threefold cord is not quickly broken.’ (Ecclesiastes 4.9-12)

I had quite a ‘moment’ coming down the closing straight between flocked barriers, longing to see a loved one waiting for me beyond the finishing gate… and suddenly remembering that when I finish my race of life, I will see Jesus standing with open arms and two little words which somehow add up to far more than everything it cost to get there. ‘Well done. Well done.’

Final performance sunday night, still a long way to go. Please pray. Also safety when rafting saturday. And a good home straight.
Love and peace,Tim