Band of brothers

I've spent the last few sunday nights watching the TV Series Band of Brothers with some mates. A sober experience, but a good one. A few things that made a big impression on me:

1) This is not another world. Some of these guys are still alive. It is not fantasy. People organised and ran the concentration camps. Maybe there was a particular evil at work in Nazi Germany, but it's still got to give us some serious questions about the nature of humanity.

2)There were a number of events in the series that made me angry, and I think that's appropriate. Some things are unjust and should not be allowed. The concept of 'holy discontent' is a handy thing going round church circles: 'If it makes you mad, that's probably because you're supposed to do something about it.' But in the face of sickening injustice in our world, 'holy discontent' is insufficient. We need righteous anger*.

3) Pacifism is not necessarily always right. Saving Private Ryan really hammered this one into me. Film is a contrived medium making a point, and it maybe the film has convinced me of something that isn't true, but you can read a logical argument of the point if you can get hold of CS Lewis' essay 'Why I am not a pacifist'. Essentially, I experienced for the first time the realisation that I could kill. Theoretically troubling. Yes. But in certain circumstances, perhaps the appropriate action. I'm not going to try and define those circumstances! And I hope I never have to kill anyone. But I also hope that I never lack physical courage in a situation where it's needed.

4) Two heads are better than one. Both on screen and in our freezing lounge, it was obvious that doing things with other people is far more enjoyable than alone, even if less efficient (I actually think like that. Isn't it shocking!) I got completely overwhelmed with the last performance I organised, and watched as God sent me people each day to lighten the load. Made me realise I'd been trying to do it all alone again. I confided this to my friend Simon and he said yes, stuff is always more enjoyable done in team. And in fact, the family is like the ultimate team. When I potter round the house for an evening doing bits and bobs, I get in a wierd negative fuddle. When Simon does the same with his family, it's lovely. This is the reason the thought of 'going travelling' on my own fills me with dread. The misery is only 'part of life's rich tapestry' if you've got someone to joke with about the horror (when I went to the Great Wall of China, the 7th wonder of the world, it was covered in cloud. Me and my sister decided it should be called the 'shy wall of china'). Throughout my time in Uganda in 2009 I was thinking, 'next time I'll come with my family and it will be much better still'. And at this year's Everything conference, Andy Crouch described in detail how it takes several groups of people to make a vision become reality. Never just one person alone. I've got to learn.

Now I wonder what I'll learn from The Pacific...

*Thanks Chris and Lorna!

Who can go to Africa?

When you think of adventurers in Africa, what do you picture? If you're like me, you picture a young single or a hard bitten single reporter. But not a family. So I found this article stimulating reading.

I can understand why you wouldn't think this was a good idea, a good thing to do with your kids. But if you've got confidence that your safety is in the hands of a mighty Father, and if you're not holding tightly to your comfort, then doesn't it get you going.

I'm lucky enough to have had cousins live in Tanzania when I was a kid, and that my parents didn't value our comfort over our ability to really experience life: we went over for christmas when I was 12, and my sisters were 10 and 7. I haven't stopped going since.

Because of that trip, and other less glamorous but more risky choices my parents took to follow Jesus, we've got stories that will set us up for a life time of adventure. And surprisingly, I think I'm not that unusual. Many, many of the adventurers I've met in Africa have been families just like mine, actually living there long term. And loving it. They may not feature in the films, but families are out there changing the world.

Foolishness #3

It's another poem from Steve Turner today. Ties in very well with those thoughts I had on foolishness, so we'll get it down before that's completely forgotten...
gg
7/8 of the Truth, and Nothing but the Truth.
If you are sitting comfortably
I suspect I am not giving you
the truth.
I am leaving you two poems
short of disagreement
so that you can remark upon
the likeness of our minds.
I am being kind.
I am giving you the truth
in linctus form - strawberry flavour.
I am being unkind.
am ignoring the correct dosage.
g
I want to be liked.
That's my trouble
I want to be agreed with.
I know you like strawberry,
I quite like it myself.
It's nothing but the truth
but it's not the whole truth.
gg
No one admires the whole truth,
No one ever applauds.
It takes things too far.
It's nice but where would
you put it?
People who neglect the strawberry
flavouring, do not get asked back.
They get put in their place,
with nails if necessary.

Ouch poems

I'm continuing my homage to/theft of Steve Turner. Tonight, another of my favourite categories of his poems. Poems that make me go 'ouch'. Let me show you what I mean:

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The God Letters

The Lord God says:

'Share your bread

with the hungry,

bring the homeless poor

into your house,

cover the naked.'

gg

Dear Lord God,

We have got

new carpets,

so this will

not be possible.

gg

gg

See what I mean? Try getting through this one, without an ouch:

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Lord, Lord

You were hungry

and I was sorry.

You were thirsty

and I blamed the world.

You were a stranger

and I pointed you out.

You were naked

and I turned you in.

You were sick

and I said a prayer.

You were in prison

and I wrote a poem.

gg

gg

How many of those have you done? I count 5 for sure. The naked guy at the crossroads in Jinja wasn't just short of clothes, and I don't think trying to turn him in would have been a good idea, but still...

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On several occasions I've pointed out one lady who sleeps rough in Norwich as a way to look smart. It is very easy to let caring become just my job. Or, realistically, to carry on working and stop caring. Not that my feelings matter. But when I stop caring I stop trying to actually help people and just try to run a tight ship. That could keep me busy my whole life. God forbid. Please.

Short poems

I was weak last tuesday night and slipped into the amazon. I emerged an hour later having bought 5 books and 2 CDs. That's the cosumerist trap I'm stuck in. Ah well, it does have some advantages: I finally bought a book of poems by Steve Turner and I'm loving it. He's like my favourite bits of Brecht and Blake, with an even more similar worldview. Let me share some of my favourites.
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Tonight: short poems.
gg
Short poem
Short poems
are fun.
You can see
at a glance
whether you
like them
or not.
gg
gg
Depression
Came here
to write
a poem
on depression
but
gg
got fed up
and left.
gg
gg
Sticks and stones
Sticks and stones
only break your bones
but words
can tear your heart out.
gg
gg
History Lesson
History repeats itself.
Has to.
No one listens.
gg
gg
Gun
What is a gun for?
A gun is for making things.
What does it make?
Orphans, widows,
grief...
gg
gg
Wait
These are
the good
old days.
gg
Just wait
and see.
gg
gg
Truth
There's no
such thing
as truth.
gg
No.
Not even
this.
gg
gg
Prayer
Fell fast asleep
While saying a prayer.
When I woke up
Found God was still there.

Blood Brothers #2

So clearly people from working class backgrounds could use a bit of solidarity at the moment. We get into problems when we don’t recognise that we have some cultural differences. You expect it when going to another part of the world, but for some reason when we’re in the UK we expect everyone to behave just like us. If you don’t recognise the differences you can end up judging people for not behaving how middle class values say you should (e.g. ‘chav’-bashing); you can assume their difficulties are due to laziness rather than society dumping on them since the year dot (what do you think about people who go to the job centre?); you can attempt to be helpful and achieve the opposite because a) you do things to people and so disempower them further or b) you put things on and don’t understand why no one’s interested (e.g. doing Alpha in homes in the east end, when no one ever goes into each other’s houses there).

Your class doesn’t necessarily correspond to your wealth. It is more to do with a different outlook on life. Working class culture is not worse for you than any other culture. However, in our country, it is mostly working class people who are bearing the brunt of poverty... and that is bad for you!

A note on poverty. Poverty isn’t just about having more or less money at any given moment. I’ve had a few lean times in my life – when my Dad’s business went bust and he was bankrupt for a few years, and more recently working voluntarily for over a year on diminishing savings and money out of the blue from the Father. But I’ve never really been disempowered. I’ve still got the benefits of a great education, great work experience, a strong network of family and friends, wisdom for handling money/decisions/work/etc, self-belief instilled by loving parents, confidence in & intimacy with the living God, all the nice clothes & goods I’ve picked up through the years... so although I left Kampala with £20 to my name, I wasn’t really poor. My future was as bright as ever. I could easily see how I could get to anywhere in life I wanted to go. The point of poverty is that 20% of people in this country can’t.
hh

So.. in our different classes, we are equal. The question Willy Russell poses to us through Blood Brothers is, why then do people from one background get opportunities when the other doesn't? How can that be allowed? What can we do about it?

I haven’t really mentioned much about Blood Brothers. I just want you to go and see it. If you can afford to, you probably need to. It will help you understand this so well, and be a lot more fun than reading this dry blog. So I'll leave you with a real taste...

Blood Brothers #1

Did you ever hear the story of the Johnston twins?
As like each other as two new pins.
How one was kept, and one given away,
And they were both born, and died, on the very self-same day.

I went to see Blood Brothers again the other week, and remembered why it is possibly my favourite musical. It’s not really for the dancing. Rather, great tunes... and a story about real things.

The gist is that a wealthy lady persuades her cleaner to give her one of her twins, as the wealthy lady hasn’t been able to have children. We then follow the two boys as they grow up, and see how the simple fact of growing up in different backgrounds makes their lives turn out tragically differently. The narrator closes with this thought:

And was superstition to blame for what came to pass?
Or what the English have come to know as ‘Class’?

There is a lovely moment in The West Wing, when the young Jed Bartlett comments to his father’s secretary, “In our family we don’t talk about money.” To which she replies, “That’s because you have money.” I think class works similarly. If you don’t think you have a class, if you don’t think it’s an issue, that’s almost certainly because you’re middle class, like the majority of people in the UK.

A great easy way to find out the blind spots in your own culture is to ask people from other countries what they are. They will be able to think of a few! One which often gets mentioned for us in the UK is this issue of class. In America, a millionaire and a hot dog salesman will talk the same way, watch the same sports, have the same values and wear the same clothes. Think about millionaires and men on burger vans in this country! Someone said class is in the UK what racism is in the US.

Now just because Trade Unions and working class political heroes seem to have faded from the TV since the 70s, it doesn’t mean the working class have gone anywhere. In fact, I would guess that life is tougher for people from a working class background now than ever. Consumerism, snobbery in popular culture, the export of industrial jobs, the decline of ideas how to do life through rejection of tradition/authority/values, and hopeless corrupt administration of welfare policy by the civil service have completely disempowered working class people. 20% of the UK population is now overwhelmed by unemployment, addictions, broken families, isolation, lack of education, depression, anxiety, low self esteem, crime and criminal records. This is an issue worth thinking about.

'Red Moon Rising' by Pete Grieg

I’m reading this book and its making my heart shudder.
It’s bathing my head in light.
It’s bringing me to life.
I’m remembering my passion, like leaves in spring.
How long have I been asleep?

I used to check out the 24-7 website in the computer room at college. We used to stack the mammoth pew chairs for an hour so we could sweep the old sanctuary with art. We used to pump Sigur Ros through a bought-in PA as the house music. We used to walk around Shirley dreaming of our next project – making a record in an old house, in a week; our prayer wall; moshing and laughing and witnessing at school til the teacher moved me to the front.

I’d forgotten what heady times they were. The creativity. The opportunity. The community. Walking back from the Douglases. Talking outside our house for hours. You know, I’m beginning to think it wasn’t such a waste of time after all.

I guess the reason it all worked was because we loved Jesus. We loved Jesus and we loved each other. I guess we’re struggling because the cloud moved and we didn’t move too. I guess I don’t feel the same because I spend too much time on my own. Because there’s no one I’m dreaming with. Because I love mercy but I love creativity too.

Oh how we need to dream!
When we just banter we look backwards later and wonder where promises go.
We just survived this year.
We just coped.
We just about kept up with commitments that grapple our throats.
We escaped from it all.
We played at church.
Nonono!
Don’t escape, engage.
Don’t banter, dream.
How can we be counter culture if we’ve lost our imagination?
How can we fight when we’re dragging our pillows?
How can we sing if we’re chewing on steak?

Bertolt Brecht: 'To Posterity' #2

... Here's the poem:

1.

Indeed I live in the dark ages!

A guileless word is an absurdity.

A smooth forehead betokens

A hard heart.

He who laughs

Has not yet heard

The terrible tidings.

g

Ah, what an age it is

When to speak of trees is almost a crime

For it is a kind of silence about injustice!

And he who walks calmly across the street,

Is he not out of reach of his friends

In trouble?

g

It is true: I earn my living

But, believe me, it is only an accident.

Nothing that I do entitles me to eat my fill.

By chance I was spared. (If my luck leaves me

I am lost.)

g

They tell me: eat and drink.

Be glad you have it!

But how can I eat and drink

When my food is snatched from the hungry

And my glass of water belongs to the thirsty?

And yet I eat and drink.

g

I would gladly be wise.

The old books tell us what wisdom is:

Avoid the strife of the world

Live out your little time

Fearing no one

Using no violence

Returning good for evil --

Not fulfillment of desire but forgetfulness

Passes for wisdom.

I can do none of this:

Indeed I live in the dark ages!

g

2.

g

I came to the cities in a time of disorder

When hunger ruled.

I came among men in a time of uprising

And I revolted with them.

So the time passed away

Which on earth was given me.

g

I ate my food between massacres.

The shadow of murder lay upon my sleep.

And when I loved, I loved with indifference.

I looked upon nature with impatience.

So the time passed away

Which on earth was given me.

g

In my time streets led to the quicksand.

Speech betrayed me to the slaughterer.

There was little I could do. But without me

The rulers would have been more secure. This was my hope.

So the time passed away

Which on earth was given me.

g

3.

g

You, who shall emerge from the flood

In which we are sinking,

Think --

When you speak of our weaknesses,

Also of the dark time

That brought them forth.

g

For we went, changing our country more often than our shoes.

In the class war, despairing

When there was only injustice and no resistance.

g

For we knew only too well:

Even the hatred of squalor

Makes the brow grow stern.

Even anger against injustice

Makes the voice grow harsh. Alas, we

Who wished to lay the foundations of kindness

Could not ourselves be kind.

g

But you, when at last it comes to pass

That man can help his fellow man,

Do not judge us

Too harshly.

I want to write about this
but I don’t know what to say.
The problem’s not gone anywhere.
This could be said today.
I admire this man’s commitment,
and I feel the same myself.
But I’ve learnt it gets me nowhere.
I just feel overwhelmed,
then go and waste more money
to make myself feel better.
So what then can I do
That will really be effective?
I need some transformation
That will make me care for others
More than I do for myself
Any offers?

Bertolt Brecht: 'To Posterity' #1

Those of you who studied theatre at A-level will have heard of Bertolt Brecht. For those of you denied that pleasure, allow me to introduce you: Bert, Reader; Reader, Bert.

The guy lived and worked in Germany between the world wars, and as he saw how the aristocracy and big business oppressed ordinary people, he gradually became convinced of socialism. He was a writer/director, and tried to find a way to create theatre that would make its audience think about social problems – and change their lives – instead of just being swept along by emotion and then forget all about it. For that I’ve always counted him a sort of hero, and have tried to use his ideas a lot myself.

Among A-level drama students, he doesn’t have the best reputation. This may be because the average drama student thinks very little about social problems, but may be even more because sometimes Brecht’s plays seem a little.. well.. boring.
hhh

I have discovered myself that writing analysis into drama is pretty difficult to do while keeping it entertaining. Aaron Sorkin etc actually do it very well in The West Wing, by having passionate, MENSA brained characters hammer each other over political hot potatoes with the best they’ve got. Brecht would have liked that. He’d have called it, ‘dialectics’. Maybe that’s why people don’t like him.

I reckon The West Wing manages to make analysis entertaining because a) it’s funny and b) you’re emotionally involved. Now Brecht is full of comedy – dry, black, twisted, sarcastic, and slapstick comedy, like Woody Allen on a rainy day – but he is not known for his emotional side. I want to redress that.

The other thing Brecht is less well known for is his poetry. Yes, socialists write poems. Of course they don’t spend much time discussing ‘hosts of golden daffodils’. And the best ones don’t rhyme, scan or have even stanzas. But they’re great anyway. And plenty emotional. One of my favourites is To Posterity. Allow me to share it with you...

The Ideas of the Dawn Treader #3

SPOILER WARNING – the following unravels the plot in some detail. If you’re considering watching the film, go do that now, then come back.

Idea #3 – Focus

When Eustace arrives in Narnia, every new experience is horrible to him because it challenges his idea of reality. The things that enabled him to get his own way in England – his intelligence, spitefulness, arrogance, and ultimately his parents who spoil him – are useless in this wider reality. They cannot help him with strangers, or face up to evil.

By contrast, Reepicheep delights in facing every new challenge, even though he is only a 2ft talking mouse. He actively longs to go into the unknown, ‘to the utter east’. This is a significant change in his character from what we saw of him in Prince Caspian, and can best be explained by his encounter with Aslan at the end of that film. He no longer fights with bitterness, to prove himself – he fights with delight, to get to Aslan’s country.

hdhd

Needless to say, it is Reepicheep above all who irritates Eustace. Everything Eustace despises, he loves. He represents to Eustace this whole upsetting revelation of reality.

Things come to a head when Eustace tries to steal some gold and is turned into a dragon. Although he manages to let the others know what’s happened, he despairs; he is as far from his ordered world as it is possible to be, with no sign that he can ever get back.. and this reality seems to hold no joy for him either.

Turning point. Reepicheep notices Eustace’s dragon tears. He stays up with him through the night, sharing stories of adventures, and his longing for Aslan’s country, For the first time, Eustace realises his need for someone else, and lets them in. And so, for the first time, he sees there is some hope in this reality.

Reepicheep persuades Eustace to face the terrifying prospect of evil and join the final battle, because his vision of hope - of ‘Aslan’s country’ - is so much bigger than that of the dark island ahead. And though evil has a couple more tricks up its sleeve, it is Eustace in the end that defeats it, after his own encounter with Aslan.

As Reepicheep heads off beyond the edge of the world to Aslan’s country, Eustace is distraught to lose him. His guide in hope is gone. But then he remembers he is standing with Aslan, and his tears go – he is face to face with the very object of his hope. And he asks if he can come back to Narnia again! In Aslan, he has found something that, unlike his parents and his own capacity, will get him through this wider world.

hhds

Our world is just as frightening a place as Narnia, and you’ve probably noticed the things that used to give you security becoming useless as you get older and become aware of more of reality. (If so, we’re the lucky ones – many people around us were born into chaos, and have never known security) Equally, time proves many of the securities we develop as we grow older – our looks, our abilities, our careers, our savings – to be redundant too. In the face of the real evil in our world; to face that that evil and overcome it; we need a security that will hold firm.

As the crew of the Dawn Treader waited for the darkness to strike, I felt a lot of identification with them. As I look ahead I see the strains of work increasing, my body falling apart, my dreams not being fully realised, the people I love most dying, and ultimately, death. Some of those things really scare me. I have no idea how I’ll cope. What could keep me secure through a journey like that?

The answer to the riddle is given us by Aslan. He tells the children, ‘in your world, I am known by another name.’

Now you probably knew this whole Narnia thing was about Jesus, and have some reservations about kids films with religious agendas. I think what gives me peace is that if people know its about Jesus, then they know and can do what they like with it; if they don’t know about Jesus. Then it won’t tell them.

What the story actually does is give me hope and joy. Because when Aslan appeared to Eustace on that beach and roared, all the troubles of the world grew strangely dim and I saw Jesus on the cross punching through the screen towards me, raw and warm and thick and alive and wild and strong and true and God. And I saw that he knows me. He’s shown himself to me again.
hdhdh

Oh what a relief. I am not alone in this present darkness. He is real and so all darkness must one day go. There is nothing to compare to him. I’m sorry I’ve spent a fortnight, a lifetime, focused on other things beside you. They’re all nothing – even my family here next to me. I love you. I want you. Jesus. You.

The Ideas of the Dawn Treader #2

SPOILER WARNING – these three pieces all unravel the plot in some detail. If you’re considering watching the film, go do that now, then come back.

dhh

Idea #2 – Manhood

Edmund is doing everything he can to be ‘a real man’. He tries enlisting in the British Army, does a bit of sword fighting, considers hoarding gold, tries to be the leader; and nothing works. He is still plagued by the memory of the White Witch and her offer to make him King.
hghfh

Ultimately, their adventure puts him to the test and he fights an epic battle with a sea monster. He survives, and finally feels that internal sense of ‘I have what it takes’; he doesn’t need Narnia anymore.

I know the idea that there is a ‘crisis of manhood’ about at the moment in our culture. I’m not equipped to say whether that’s true or not. However it does occur to me that boys growing up have always faced this identity crisis, and always will. ‘Am I a real man?’

I’m still going through this process. I often feel out of my depth in my job, leading many people who are older than me, maturer than me, with fuller life experience than me; or all the above. And that not only involves setting direction and encouraging people forward; leading also requires saying ‘no’, challenging and correcting. Gulp. I often don’t know what’s the right decision myself, let alone imposing that on others. It’s what the job requires, I’m happy on that. The question is, can I do it?

The funny thing is, my position is a something I clutch at to affirm my manhood. I love telling people what I do. I’m dead impressed with myself. But clearly, my job title isn’t doing the trick. If I don’t find another source of affirmation, it’s going to make me feel less a man rather than more.

Edmund’s perspective is changed by a rite of passage. This is not a very new idea. Cultures throughout history from Aborigines to University Hockey teams have put their young men through hell and back to establish their manhood. Perhaps we struggle in our society with our sense of manhood because there is no standard system for it. Or many opportunities to prove it full stop. I feel really ‘mannned up’ every time I go to Africa, with all the adventures and difficulties that involves.

Now, I don’t think its essential to duel with a sea monster to establish your credentials. But as we face up to the challenges that life throws our way, we will make the journey. And the more challenges we take on, the more we will ‘man up’.

However, this raises another tough question. How do I know I won’t fail at these challenges?

Donald Miller in his excellent book To Own a Dragon reveals the surprising true indicator of what makes a ‘real man’. According to him, a real man is someone... who has a penis. That’s it. You don’t have to like football or beer or fighting or facial hair. You don’t have to listen to Mark Driscoll or earn lots of money or be in charge of anything. If you’re reading this and you’ve got man bits, you’re the real McCoy. Because the one who gave you your wedding tackle didn’t forget the rest of the package. He made you a man. You’ve got what it takes.

The Ideas of the Dawn Treader #1

I just got back from The Voyage of the ‘Dawn Treader’. Now I can’t sleep. I enjoyed the film; it was a good adaptation of the story that translated the theme of the book well into a more effective story structure. Obviously you miss out on some of CS Lewis’ way with words, and get some clunky moments where the ideas outpace the writer’s ability to express them, but I can live with that. Because some of the ideas that we handled well touched me deeply and it took until the credits ran out to savour it, wipe my tears away and reengaged with my family around me.

SPOILER WARNING – the following three pieces all unravel the plot in some detail. If you’re considering watching the film, go do that now, then come back.

Idea #1 - Self Esteem

Lucy is struggling with her self esteem. Specifically, she longs to look like her older sister, because of them admiration and attention Susan gets. Lucy discovers a spell that promises to make her look like Susan. She tries it, and in a dream finds herself as Susan at a garden party, looking beautiful and getting admiration. However, she discovers that in this alternative reality the person Lucy does not exist. Suddenly the experience doesn’t feel so good.

efwefw

Aslan appears to her, and challenges her she is wishing herself away. He affirms her, pointing out some of her unique qualities and contributions to Narnia. She burns the spell. Later, a younger girl wishes to be just like Lucy when she grows up. Lucy tells her no. ‘When you grow up you should be just like yourself.’

Although this is presented as a teenage girl’s struggle, I massively identify with it. I spent much of my GCSE revision period fantasising about living a different life, being somebody else, and I’ve done so plenty of other times too. I’ve also had plenty of other symptoms of low self esteem – constantly seeking approval from others then not believing it if I get it; isolating myself; assuming I am unlovable, an irritant or a burden.

I’d never considered that this sort of fantasising is linked with a struggle for self esteem, or that it is ‘wishing my life away’, but it makes total sense. Very helpful.

The challenge is to be convicted of the truth that I really am admirable, that I really would be missed if I disappeared, that the world would be worse off without me. I believe this a lot more than I ever have, because I have been well loved, and well supported to consider this issue in my life. But, as tonight demonstrates, I am going to continue to need revelations of my value.

Of course, part of the reason we long to be like others is that they are ahead of us on their journey – they are more themselves, and so more admirable for what they are. We cannot see the finer version of ourselves we will become, and so its harder to even navigate towards that, let alone be energised by it. Perhaps there is only one way.

rrr

As I watched Lucy run to Aslan and hold him, I felt richly that one like Aslan sees me, knows me, and delights in me. Oh how good that is for your heart. I need it desperately. How about you?

Interesting short films

I was just encouraged by a facebook friend to have a look at a film he's got in the shortlist for a competition. I'm working from home today, so I actually did; and it was really interesting.

I love films, and so short films I can watch in a mini break between tasks have got to be a winner. Have an explore: http://www.ignitefilmfest.com/2010-top-20/

Snowy's film is the first - the one with the blind man and the cardboard. I think I'll check out some more over the next few days.

If you want to check out the inspirations for the films, an easy way is to type the reference into www.biblegateway.com

Enjoy!

Hello hurricane

"Everything I have I count as lost
Everything I have is stripped away
Before I started building I counted up these costs
There's nothing left for you to take away."
cv
This one is basically the secret of living freedom. It's that thing about expectations - when you expect Indiana Jones IV to be good, you leave the cinema feeling personally cheated. When I went having heard every damning review, I had a great time. The film was the same. But it didn't get me down, because I had realistic expectations. Similarly, I enjoy watching England play at the world cup, because I know they're going to mess it all up.
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When I said 'yes' to Jesus, I knew I was saying 'yes' to a lot of trouble. I didn't know how it would all feel, but like when I had my bags stolen on the way to Entebbe airport, I am able to say 'of course. I knew this was coming. And it's ok.' Because it also reminds me of the reason I made such a mental commitment - the living God called me; Jesus, gracious and compassionate, abounding in steadfast loving kindness, repaying injustice to the 4th generation, and forgiving to the thousandth. All trouble can do it take me away from my hollow comfort in this world and remind me how great he is.

This is your life

"This is your life. Are you who you want to be?
Is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger
And you had everything to lose?"

I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten - again - that I decide how my life goes. What I do, where I go, what I think about, how I feel. People constantly lean on you with their expectations, and I'm a sucker for it. Sometimes I even give in to expectations people don't even have or express! Or I just go with the flow of life, look back and wish I'd done those things I excitedly visualised but gave up on when it didn't happen like I'd expected. I felt a great surge of freedom to remember that I have the power to choose my destiny.

And as I talked to Dan on the way home, I was heartened to be able to say honestly, 'Yes, yes it is. I'm doing the things I thought heroic in 'high school'. I couldn't imagine then what it would feel like, but I still think I was spot on.' I feel like smirking whenever I tell someone 'what I do', thinking, 'I'm actually doing this!'

Switchfoot reflections

Me and Dan went to see Switchfoot the other week. I rarely go our of my way for live music, so this is quite significant. Jon Foreman has become one of my favourite writers; and one of my heroes. My favourite artists are always those who seem to express my deepest feeling about life. The experience of reading thir book, listening to their CD, whatever, is made sublime by it's resonance. 'Yes!' I cry (sometimes out loud, in public places), 'that's it! That's exactly how it is!'

ewioj

What was remarkable about the gig wasn't the family-like interplay between band and fans - Delirious top them there. Nor was it the contrasting moments of utter musical euphoria and raw humanity - yes U2. The power of this gig wasn't in the experience at all, but in the series of plot twist revelations about life - the sudden rememberances of truth that colour everything different to how it was before. I thought I'd share some with you. Keep reading...!

I love the West Wing. It's taken me a while to find it, but it might be my favourite TV show ever. (I just looked at my facebook profile and realised there's nothing else that's not a comedy!) This afternoon, I watched President Bartlett tell his daughter, 'the only thing you ever had to do to make me happy was come home at the end of the day', and my eyes shed water.

ewiu

I think I've worked out what's so great about the show. It's about good old fashioned heroism. Being there for your friends, fighting for what's true and just, whatever crap gets thrown at you. But it grounds those stories in a modern western reality we understand, so we get it. It means more to me to see a big shot lawyer walk out of his board meeting to join a political campaign than to see some ancient fishermen drop nets and go on tour with a rabbi - though it's the same story.

wrb

I tell you what. I hope it's my story. I hope my story is all about a guy who left his ego and security for dead to go on an impossible adventure that matters. I hope it's as good as the West Wing.

A waste of paint

I think this song is the heart of our culture.
If that sounds really annoying, what I mean is, it really moves me.
If that sounds really annoying, just listen, it's great.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tknZpdIW06k

[Hint: the interest is in following the story]

A Christian No 1

How many times have you been invited to be a fan of the facebook group, 'Christian Music Topping the UK Charts'?

I think this campaign shows either that our motives are very wrong, or we're just completely out of touch. Is having a praise song at no 1 going to help anyone get to know Jesus? (If a Muslim song went no 1, would you suddenly think, 'I'd like to become a Muslim?') I wonder if it would have the same effect as shouty soap box preachers - making people think, 'I wish those Christians would mind their own business'. Is the real reason we want 'our' no 1 much more for our own validation than anyone else's salvation? If our motives are right, like probably a lot of 'street preachers', then it's so sad that we're wasting our effort on hopeless campaigns like this. Am I right in thinking it's because we feel so strongly that God wants to reach people with his love, and just don't know what else to do?

If that's how you're feeling, I want to encourage you. Our culture is not closed. So many people really don't mind you asking their opinion and therefore moving any conversation onto the ultimate questions. It's not weird to ask someone what they think of Jesus, or the church. They'll often be really pleased to get a chance to think and talk about the big issues of life, because our culture shies away from it. And everyone's aware of the issues- if they're avoiding them, it must be because the best answers they've heard so far make them depressed.

Like Jesus did, time and time again, bring up the conversation – ask people stuff, straight out. That communicates that you value them and are interested in their well being – which is surely the point of sharing Jesus' good news. And no doubt you'll get an opportunity to explain what you believe, or to challenge something they're heard, or to share your discoveries of truth. But just don't start there, or you'll come across as judgmental, arrogant, and not interested in the person at all. In fact, you probably won't be able to do this with anyone you care about. A friend of mine told me he finds it much easier to preach to people he doesn't know than his friends – on reflection now, it's probably because the only approach he knew was to blurt stuff out at people without getting any sense of where they're at.

And where people are at determines what is most helpful for them to move closer to Jesus: if you're profoundly cynical of all religious belief (and who can blame anyone for that?), someone trying to tell you another is only going to reinforce your cynicism. They need to see their expectations challenged – need to see the humility and altruism that knowing Jesus and believing the gospel leads to – before they might consider there is anything different and trustworthy about our beliefs. On the other hand, if you're talking to someone who is spiritually seeking and interested in what Christianity has to say, it's extremely selfish to not take a whole load of time to outline God's story and its implications for them. So again, conversation/asking questions is crucial, because how else will you discover where someone is at?

If you're keen for delirious to get a number one because you think it will make people see that 'you can be cool and be a Christian', and therefore be more open to Jesus, I want to encourage you again. There were a series of posters on the wall of my maths classroom at school, all with the heading, 'Maths is cool' (with pictures of icebergs etc). Apart from coming across as desperate (which definitely isn't cool), the posters don't work because everyone is aware that the relative 'cool-ness' of maths is unimportant. It's either positive to participate in, or not. Even if you really like maths, you'd probably never say it was cool. It doesn't have to be. I think the same is true for Christianity: no one seriously writes it off because it's uncool. If people thought it intellectually held water, improved your quality of life, and didn't mess the world up, they might be interested; but not just if we wore low slung jeans, listened to r'n'b, and said 'dude' a lot. I think we'll struggle to make Christianity seem cool (c.f. www.cool-christian-apparel.com/); and I think that doesn't matter.

I've spent so long struggling to follow Jesus in his constant, consistent, bold sharing of 'the good news of the kingdom of God'. It's such a relief to feel able to do it lots these days. And so rich an experience. Understanding that you are actually allowed to bring the subject up, not just wait until it comes round (i.e. pretty rarely, except in Uni halls at 2 in the morning) has been a big part of that. But equally important has been God healing my fears about people not liking me – you will get some negative responses, but mostly you've really got nothing to worry about. People don't treat each other like they did when they were 13 anymore. Also, Jesus really loves you, and thinks you're great. He made you; are you thinking he did a bad job? If relating to people is hard work for you full stop, get some help. It doesn't have to stay that way. And it'll help you share Jesus no end.